Journey's sort of alternative End
by madame-werewolf
Summary: It's in the title!A mate challenged me to write my own ending for the finale of series 4 of DW, as we weren't totally satisfied!As you'll see,not as much changed as I thought,so tis more an extended version than anything! Obviously SPOILERS for series 4!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This creation is the result of a friend's challenge to me, as a dissatisfied Doctor Who fan and a bit of a writer... The initial task was to rewrite the ending to Series 4 so we would feel happier with it. There were several aspects which left me personally, and possibly others, feeling a little... underwhelmed. Some things that maybe just didn't quite work. So I set about writing it how I'd have liked it. It didn't entirely go to plan though... as will become apparent, there is much about the finale that I didn't want to change, when I really thought about it. In fact, the changes full stop are minimal; this ultimately ended up an extended version of Journey's End with minor alterations. It essentially became "What I would like to see!" - with additional requests that there be more Jack airtime... As I say, I wrote it for a friend and for myself really, so there are some in-jokes and some bits that might go over everyone's heads. BUT she insisted that I should publicise it to see what other people thought. So here goes! Hope you like it. The entire thing is 13,000 words, but I'm posting in bits so I can be told whether to continue or not! :D Any feedback to this end or any other is greatly appreciated.  
Also unfortunately, as way of a disclaimer; none of the characters are mine. Nor is the premise of Doctor Who or some parts of dialogue which have been directly lifted... All I can lay claim to are the weird additions and alterations. Thank ye.**

* * *

This was how life was supposed to be. The TARDIS brimmed with life, purring contentedly as the crew piloted Earth back home. The Doctor had never been more proud; of his ship, of his crew... of his friends. No, his _family_. Every segment of the console was manned, and with people to spare. As Team TARDIS shared the joy of the experience, The Doctor carefully guided them through the flight. DoctorDonna and BlueDoctor drifted about offering words of encouragement. Donna shamelessly flirted with Jack; "That's really good Jack. I think you're the best!" The New Doctor shamelessly eyed up Rose.

This was a problem that was going to take some solving, but now was not the time for it. It was a time for revelling in the friendship, while it was still possible. The planet behind clunked into position with the satisfying precision of a gearstick slotting into place - _(Well, aside from in the case of third gear when Mr Tennant was driving a "reasonably priced car" recently!)_ The group erupted into cheers and claps; laughter the predominant sound.

"Back of the net!" shouted Mickey, punching the air.

"Molto bene!" New Doctor cheered.

Everyone jumped into each other's arms. Even those who had only just met embraced like siblings and lifelong friends. In that moment, not one of them wanted to be anywhere else.

Yet they all knew it couldn't last.

The Doctor knew better than anyone that however much his people loved him, they'd soon go back to their lives, and he'd be left to travel on, alone, weary as ever.

Not yet, though. He had to hold onto them that bit longer. When the embraces had ceased, but before anybody had a chance to consider the next step, The Doctor spoke up.

"Right then! Well done team! Who's for dinner? Dinner? Dinner sounds good to me. Where shall we go? Cardiff? Florence? Jupiter! Thirty-third century Jupiter! Fan_tas_tic cuisine!"

With the trademark raving, the others knew he was set. BlueDoctor was grinning and bouncing, clearly enthused by the idea, but Jack and Sarah-Jane exchanged sceptical glances and Martha nudged Rose, gesturing with her eyes that she should be the one to speak up. Rose took a rallying breath and went to the side of BrownDoctor.

"Uh, Doctor?" She took his arm and spoke gently. "Dinner sounds... fantastic..." - they shared a nostalgic smile at the word - "but it's been a long day. How's about something... low-key?"

"I can cook!" Jack suggested, eagerly.

"No!" Mickey protested more than anyone expected. "I've heard about your naked chef antics! I don't want to risk... **_that_**! I'll do it!"

"I'll help!" Martha too was surprisingly enthused.

The Doctor looked around him, seeking an ally in the dispute. Only BlueDoctor was still grinning, like a wound-up child on his birthday. In fairness, it _was_ his birthday. There was still something sinister about him though, regardless of his smiling exuberance and blatant prettiness.

"Oh, alright then!" The Doctor sighed, defeated, as he set the controls to land somewhere in Britain. "I'll let you loose on my stores..." As ever he was reluctant to play at domestication, but if he wanted his humans to linger, sacrifice was necessary. It would, after all, be the first of many that evening.

"Stay away from the purple, bubbling stuff," Jack warned with a sickened look, as Martha and Mickey departed towards the kitchen. "And my 'Kiss the Cook' hat should still be under the sink!" Donna raised her eyebrows suggestively at Jack's last comment and he winked at her. "Anything for a ginga!" he beamed, and fleetingly planted a smacker on her lips. Dumbstruck, she grinned, and then sunk into a chair.

"You lot and your love-ins make me sick!" Jackie protested. "Doctor? You got a phone on this thing? I should check in with Pete."

"Yeah, I'll come with you Mum," Rose departed The Doctor's side with a squeeze of his hand. He frowned slightly, and looked up to see his double frowning harder at the gesture.

The two men in suits came face to face, both furrowing their identical brows as BrownDoctor put his hands in his pockets and BlueDoctor folded his arms defensively. Jack spotted the confrontation, Sarah-Jane gave him an understanding look and Donna smiled up at him, oblivious. Dragging her to her feet, he and Sarah-Jane led DoctorDonna away from her male counterpart and his uninspired original.

"You resent me," BlueDoctor stated, in a matter-of-fact way, as soon as the faithful companions had left the scene. "But... you _are_ me!"

"No. You're _me_. And yet, you're not. You should understand, if you think as I do. You're... wrong. You're brand new. That just shouldn't be."

"But I have your memories! Your thought processes... your feelings. I can feel it all too!"

"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for that."

"I saved the universe! I came into being because you needed me. And I saved all the universes out there, reality itself!"

"At what cost? You committed genocide."

"Ohh I've done it before! In my mind. In _your_ mind. You've done it; that's how I knew we could."

"No!" BrownDoctor spun away, running his hands through his hair, ravaging it more than it already had been by the day's events and Jack's embrace. He sighed deeply, thinking hard. "Just... go. You may look like me, sound like me, think like me... but we're not the same man. Go and acquaint yourself with my friends." He swallowed down the painful realisation. "Our friends," he winced. The Doctor couldn't even look at himself.

Reluctantly, BlueDoctor moved on, but afforded his original a final cutting remark.  
"I know you don't like it, but you have to learn to cope with me. To cope with yourself. You can't erase me now."

The two Doctors shook their heads in unison, and the Blue-Suited version departed, consciously smoothing his hair down as he went.

BlueDoctor did not straightaway seek a friend. He had to come to terms with this feeling. Wandering through the nether-regions of the TARDIS, through rooms he knew already despite this body never visiting them, he contemplated rejection. It wasn't common in The Doctor's memory, but from the times it had been experienced, it stung fiercely. Donna's refusal to come with him the first time, Martha leaving because he didn't love her, and worst, The Master choosing death over life by his side. It wasn't a comfortable feeling. He was used to being adored, followed and respected... Now he was being shunned. Well, he was shunning himself.

It made no sense. Having felt the pain of abandonment too many times in recent years, how could he be willing to inflict it on himself? Perhaps that was the problem. He was he, but without the curse of the Time Lord. With a limited lifespan, the New Doctor needn't experience the hardship of loss and rejection. He was threatened, even jealous, the two-hearted Doctor.

So what was going to happen?

"What does he expect me to do?" BlueDoctor asked the emptiness. "I can't stay with him resenting me. I can't have a life of my own as a Time Lord. So, what? Ship me off to Cardiff to be Jack's plaything?!" He laughed at this bizarre thought, before shaking his head and jogging hastily to a staircase. As he reached the top and was faced with Rose and her mother on a sofa by a fire, a jolt of pain hit him for his Brown-suited counterpart. Of course he knew what the obvious solution was, and that it was too the most likely one. It hurt him though, on behalf of his other self. How either of them would ever come to terms with it was a challenge he could not comprehend. Hopefully the original Doctor had a stronger stomach for it, or at least a higher tolerance for heartache.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok, so this part includes a little bit of... male bonding, shall we say...It's nothing heavy and nothing that should be new to anyone familiar with the character of Jack! Still, just a bit of a warning, just to be safe.  
Again, feedback is welcomed with great gratitude. **

* * *

"So, what's the plan Doc?" Jack asked, as the companionable group sat round a table awaiting tea. The Doctor and the DoctorDonna looked at one another in consideration.

"We take Sarah-Jane back to London, you back to your team in Cardiff..." The Doctor began, facetiously.

"About Rose and your carbon copy, Doctor," Sarah-Jane interrupted with a firm no-nonsense tone.

"Ah. That," The Doctor sighed, admonished.

"That little issue..." Donna mused.

"You must have some ideas?" Jack continued. "I can take Mark-Two off your hands if you want?" His eyes twinkled with disturbing levels of excitement. "I mean, leave you to Donna and Rose..."

"That won't be necessary, Captain," The Doctor said, particularly alarmed by the images that had passed through his mind at Jack's suggestion.

"But you've given it some thought?" Sarah-Jane enquired anxiously.

"Been thinking of nothing else since Dalek Oblivion," Donna stated simply. Three heads snapped to face her instantaneously. "Again, I have your mind!" Donna asserted slowly and carefully as though The Doctor was completely ignorant.

"Really there's only one option." The Doctor ignored her and stared into the middle-distance as he spoke. "Everyone has a home to go to, except for me and him."

"And Rose?" Jack enquired tentatively. The Doctor didn't respond. "Doctor! She's come all this way!"

"Like I said, everyone has a home to go to."

"But a sealed-off parallel world is a slightly different kettle of fish!" Sarah-Jane protested.

"She doesn't want to leave," Donna contributed.

"And you don't want her to," Jack added. He looked at The Doctor, his face creased with worry and compassion. "Can you really, honestly, say goodbye again?"

"She doesn't have to say goodbye. She can have... him." The Doctor spoke of his second self with distaste, his stomach twisting as he voiced the reality. His words were greeted with a stunned silence 

from all quarters. Even Donna hadn't anticipated this, though she really should have done, had she given it the thought. Of course it was the obvious answer, in so many ways; they all knew that. But could one man truly sacrifice so much?

"And you? Doctor, think of yourself for once." Jack tentatively voiced the concern they all felt. Sarah-Jane looked at her hands, folded on the table in front of her, uncomfortably. Donna winced in anticipation of the explosion.

"The plan works," The Doctor stated, as casually as if he were approving a completed jigsaw.

"Doctor!" Jack needled a bit too hard, and Donna got her explosion.

"**Jack, that means leave it!**" The Doctor leapt to his feet and spun angrily away from the table. Jack was apprehended, but not defeated. He looked reproachfully toward Sarah-Jane and Donna, who were glaring at him rather than focusing on The Doctor, now leaning on a counter to one side with his head hung low and his back to them.

"Ohh, I'll deal with him," he mouthed theatrically to the women, and jerked his head towards the door. Both were reluctant to leave, but Jack suddenly looked serious and set. Sarah-Jane rolled her eyes in defeat and tugged at Donna's arm. After some silent push-and-shove and some inappropriate thoughts from Jack, they departed, and left The Captain and The Doctor alone in the still room.

* * *

As Jack ran his fingers down his face, rubbing the sides of his nose in despair, a barely audible "sorry" was whispered into the wall The Doctor was facing.

"You know I just want..."

"I know." The Doctor turned to face Jack now, though he averted his eyes, which were glistening more than they should in the pale light. "But what else can I do, Jack?"

Suddenly there was a clear vulnerability shining from the Time Lord, usually so stoic in the face of his own emotion. Jack felt a lump rising in his throat and had to bite his lip to prevent gushing. Instead he sighed, deep and sad. The Doctor eventually raised his gaze to meet Jack's, and the two men stared at one another, caught up in a wordless understanding.

After too many painful seconds Jack lowered his eyes to the table and shook his head.

"There's got to be a better way," he managed to croak.

"He needs a home."

"But you have needs too." For once, he wasn't implying the sexual variety.

"I don't know what to say to you Jack," The Doctor scratched the back of his neck, full of thought. "I have to do... what works."

"It doesn't work for you. What about what you want?"

"What I want isn't important. I have to consider the bigger picture. Think outside the box. Altruism. _Time Lord_. Why is any of this new to you?"

"You're being facetious again," Jack berated him. The Doctor looked partly sorry, but did not speak. "I understand your position; I get the Lonely Wanderer thing, I feel for you and I certainly don't envy you... but you can't dismiss this so off-hand. It's _Rose_, Doctor. How many times have you sent her away, for the greater good or for her own sake? How many times has she found her way back?" He folded his arms decisively and sat back. "She ain't gonna just accept it."

"Jack..." The Doctor sighed and composed himself. "I think you're missing the finer points here. He... the other me... he's not fully Time Lord. He's not like you and me, who carry on indefinitely. He's... he's like Rose. He's essentially human, but with the certain beneficial characteristics of... well, me."

"He'll live a normal life? Have a normal death?" Jack's face fell as the realisation struck. Silence prevailed as the news took hold and the full extent of what The Doctor was doing struck home. "Oh Doctor..."

The Doctor swallowed hard and momentarily moved his eyebrows up and down with a rightwards tilt of the head, conceding to Jack's acknowledgement of the magnitude of the gesture. "Everyone's a winner," he whispered darkly.

At the sight of his companion's transparent pain, matched with unwavering determination to do right, Jack Harkness slowly rose to his feet and approached him. The Doctor looked at him quizzically as they came face-to-face. He mouthed a "what?" as Jack gripped his upper arms, and his eyes widened as his friend softly touched his lips with his own. He did not allow his mouth to respond, nor did he pull away. He allowed Jack to express himself in the way he knew best. Jack himself ceased the contact seconds later, instead pulling The Doctor into a tight embrace. Gingerly the Time Lord put his hands on Jack's back and gulped as he rested his head on the proffered shoulder.

Coming to his senses moments later he straightened up and stepped back from Jack's arms. The calm brown eyes looked sorrowfully at the blue that shimmered with reluctant tears.

"And what was that in aid of?" he asked, remembering the kiss. It certainly wasn't the sort he'd have expected from Jack, who had clearly been awaiting an opportunity for a smooch for a long time. Jack merely shook his head as a solitary drop sneaked down his left cheek. "Oh come on, no blubbing." The Doctor lowered his eyebrows and looked down at the former poster boy.

"Sorry Doc..." Jack sniffed and straightened up too. "You're just... it's just... beautiful." He shook his head again and turned away.

"It's the best way," The Doctor said, placing a comforting hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack did not turn to face him but his shoulders shuddered with a huge, composing sigh.

"She's not going to like it," he smiled grimly as the two men faced each other once more.

"No. Not at first. But she'll understand. And be happier, hopefully, in the long-run."

"I hope you're right." Jack could now see the sense and significance in the plan but equally sensed a rebellion. "It's going to be hard."

"Good job I'm not as soft as you then, _Captain_!" The charade of light humour from The Doctor was not going to win any awards, but it was a preferable front to the ruptures treading the boards of his hearts. The two of them looked at one another a moment longer, neither fooled by the calm expression of the other, before a call of "tea's up!" echoed into the room. "Well then..." The Doctor forced a smile. "Allons-y!"

As Jack reluctantly followed through the door he marvelled that The Doctor could have any desire for food. For his part, any appetite had long since abandoned him, hand-in-hand with the hope of a happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

The last meal was a hugely entertaining affair. This group of people, thrown together in adversity, had very little in common but for the man seated, confusingly, at either end of the table. BrownDoctor headed the rectangle. He was flanked by Rose and Donna, followed by Jackie, opposite Martha, Sarah-Jane and Mickey next along, and Jack and BlueDoctor facing one another at the end. It turned out The Doctor's "stores" consisted of very little edible matter, and Martha had entrusted Mickey to go and buy the ingredients for a vat of regular, human spaghetti carbonara.

"Bloody Toxteth, you've landed us in!" Mickey had teased The Doctor as they all sat to table. "The middle of Liverpool, I couldn't understand a word from the man in the shop!" Though his eyes fell on the Blue-suited Doctor as he mocked, it was BrownDoctor who went on the defensive.

"It wasn't me who wanted low-key earth cuisine was it? You're lucky I brought us to Britain at all!"

"I think it's brilliant, the TARDIS doesn't get to the North anywhere near enough!" BlueDoctor added his two cents, and for a fleeting moment there was an identical smile shared between him and his double. Jack noted it, and a glimmer of hope returned that Rose would be content with this man after all. Meanwhile Rose herself was busily complimenting the chefs and trying to work out where to sit down. Everybody was equally baffled, and hence had fallen upon quite a random arrangement for the breaking of bread.

Whilst Italian food and The Doctor's infamous banana daiquiris were consumed by all, the various pockets of conversation escalated. Sarah-Jane found herself comparing notes on motherhood with Jackie, smiling at photos of baby Tony and not being remotely surprised to hear what a terror Rose had been. Martha and Donna swapped stories of their own adventures since meeting last, the elements of The Doctor within Donna Noble now spilling out in the form of raucous laughter and delectable techno-babble. The three men at the foot of the table joked and reminisced about times gone by; shared memories and solo anecdotes in equal measure. Rose had noticed this, smiling to see three of the most important men in her life enjoying each other's company so.

She turned to the most important of all, seated at her right hand and prodded him gently in the arm. BrownDoctor was staring intently past the table and up into the heights of the oval room, through narrowed eyes. He turned and his face immediately softened, smiling devotedly at his companion.

"What do you want?" he asked with a sideways grin. He mirrored her pose and rested his chin in one cupped hand.

"You," Rose began. "...to have a good time!"

"I am," he said in a sincere tone. "Surrounded by friends, couldn't be happier!" Unsurprisingly, Rose wasn't convinced.

"He knows everything," she mused, nodding towards BlueDoctor. "I've been listening, and it's like... it's just like listening to you."

"It is listening to me, in effect." Donna and Martha were now subtly listening in on the conversation, whilst stacking plates. "He is... basically... me."

"Well... How can that work?"

"I don't know." Rose looked sceptical so he continued. "Honestly! I don't understand it all myself. I mean, I could, obviously, quite easily come to understand every detail of the complex science but... well, where's the fun in that?!"

"But he is... pretty much just you..?"

"He is me, as I was the moment I nearly regenerated. Everything in my mind up until that point exists in his mind too. Then the choices we've made since... since he came into being... that's what separates the two of us."

"So what happens to him now?" Even as Rose voiced her primary concern, BrownDoctor was thinking up ways to avoid an answer.

"He's a raw version of everything I am. The experiences may be in his mind, so is the knowledge, but he has to learn things anew, in a way. To find out what works for him. There's no guarantee that his actions will always be as mine would. It's all untested, see. This has never happened before so we can't truly predict but... if I'm clever enough – and, frankly, I am – then I expect he has to figure out his own morality, his own limits and..." He broke off momentarily, realising that this level of truth was not going to help in convincing Rose to take this man in his place. "And, because I'm basically brilliant, I'm sure his life will play out exactly as mine would in his position."

"His position?"

"Who's for cheesecake?" Mickey interrupted the tete-a-tete with the arrival of dessert. He and Jack stood in the doorway, both holding huge platters topped with delicious-looking cheesecakes. Jack beamed at BrownDoctor as a memory bounced to the surface.

"Doctor?" he teased.

"Yah?" BrownDoctor played along, fully aware of the skit that this was leading to.

"I've got cake!"

"Woohoo!" both Doctors cheered in unison, and all three men broke into uncontrollable laughter, so much so that Jack had to quickly pass the cheesecake plate to an unsuspecting Jackie, who was trying to refill her daiquiri glass at the time. The rest of the assembly exchanged mystified looks. 

Donna mouthed "mental" and twirled her finger aside her head. Mickey shrugged and commenced the deliverance of dessert, which Rose leapt to assist with, completely nonplussed by the apparent joke.

"Ahh, you had to be there!" Jack explained to the room, deathly silent but for The Doctor's continuing duplicated laughter. That prompted the laughter to stop, as suddenly as it had started. The two Doctors looked at each other, sharing the thought that only one of them had been there. This reality dawned on Jack too, and stalled him momentarily as he struggled for comprehension. Nobody else but Donna seemed to have noticed, but just in case she launched into a very Doctoresque lecture on the many qualities of cheesecake.

Dessert was eaten merrily to the background noise of a round table conversation about everything and nothing. It was generally the sort of inane, trivial babble that The Doctor had become accustomed to, but never quite embraced, during his travels with humans. They really did concern themselves with the most insignificant things sometimes... who really cared which supermarket made the best cheesecake or where in North London one could buy cocktails for less than a fiver?!

Shortly, spoons fell onto plates, redundant, and satisfied bodies leant back in chairs and stretched their sated stomachs. A rumbling of content went round the room and ASDA was once again commended for the quality of cheesecake. Then an awkward silence took hold as the company contemplated... what next? Rose wanted to put off the addressing of this issue as long as possible, and therefore it was she who moved first and began to clear the plates. Jack looked quickly to BrownDoctor, questioning him wordlessly. He received a nod and immediately jumped to his feet, stacked a few remaining plates and followed Rose out of the room.

He met her in the kitchen and they shared a warm smile.

"So, some day huh?" Jack grinned. "And we've barely had a chance to talk. Come here you!" Rose stepped into him willingly and they embraced lovingly. Before long, Jack noticed her hold on his waist was tightening and he pulled back slightly to look down at her. "You ok?"

"Of course. I've just missed you, Cap'n!" The flirtatious banter was prominent as the day they parted, regardless of the hard journeys travelled since.

"Two Doctors hey?! I can't be the only one whose eyebrows rose!"

"Jack!" Rose playfully hit him as they separated, then, a moment later; "_obviously_ not!" They both giggled.

"No need to worry about sharing now..."

"Oi, you back off – I hear you've got a whole group to yourself back in Wales!"

"That's as may be, but you know there's always room for The Doc! And you too, come to that..."

A reflective silence stalled the joking suddenly. Both parties fell into sincerity and sullenness. Rose turned away towards the sink.

"What's really going to happen, Jack?"

He sighed and thought it through.

"I don't know," he lied. "Far be it from me to double-guess a Time Lord, never mind two of 'em!"

"I've missed him so much..."

"I know."

"I said, a million times, I'd stay with him forever."

"Yet your forever is different to his..."

"It never bothered him before. He always said I was different to the others."

"Yes. But because you're different it would be even harder to lose you."

"You think he'll send me back? Again? I don't see how saying goodbye now is any easier than in fifty years time!"

"I know..." Jack delayed, unsure whether to say more or leave it to The Doctor. "What if... what if there was another way? That you could be together forever and... Oh I don't know."

"What?" Rose looked very concerned and stared intensely at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing... I just... well, there are two of them. Don't you wonder how that will pan out?"

"I... I hadn't really thought."

"Perhaps you should, then." Jack turned to leave. Though he hated every minute of the tough love, he felt it was best.

"I love him, Jack. The Doctor, the real Doctor. I thought... I thought we'd be together."

Jack winced and swallowed through the lump rising in his throat. "I know sweetheart." He turned to look at her once more from the doorway. "Just... keep thinking. And don't forget... what love means." He gave her a final grim smile and then was gone.

Rose stared at the space he had left behind.

"Isn't love enough?" she asked, hopefully, into the empty room.

Jack passed BlueDoctor on his way towards the console room.

"Kitchen?" he asked. Jack nodded, pale-faced and dewy-eyed. "Thanks Captain."

He walked into Martha next and they exchanged pleasant greetings.

"Everything's going to be alright, isn't it Jack?" she asked tentatively, although fully aware of the real answer.

"Sure. I'm sure it will..."

Martha remained unconvinced and mirrored Jack's frown. "Hey, I'm sorry about Owen and Tosh." She put a hand softly on his forearm.

"Yeah," Jack mumbled, not meeting her eyes. "So, you heard?"

"Ianto filled me in." Jack's eyes now shot upwards, slightly panicked. "Ohh yes, we've been in contact since my last visit! You know he calls you his boyfriend now?!" She grinned mischievously at him.

"Haha... well..." For once Jack seemed lost for words. "He's a good man."

"He's great," Martha smiled. "Make sure he knows it." Jack nodded, somewhat flushed.

"So what else does he tell you?!"

Martha simply grinned.

"Martha, come on! I need to know if I can ever look you in the eye again!"

"Ha! I've heard only good things, Mr Harkness. You're quite safe with me!"

"Good. That's good... because I have a proposition for you!"

"I'm listening..."


	4. Chapter 4

**This piece contains a bit of "fluff" as I believe it's called... It's of the really very fluffy variety... which ain't my usual style, but I -and others - felt it was kinda... necessary. Anyway you've been warned. Any complete haters of Doctor/Rose stuff should look away now! **

* * *

"Ah, Martha! Jack!" BrownDoctor greeted them enthusiastically as they entered the console room. Mickey and Sarah-Jane were seated to one side, whilst Donna and Jackie stood behind him, the latter looking rather impatient. "Good timing mes amis! We're just debating where to stop off first. Where you heading, Martha?"

"Well actually," she looked at Jack, who nodded for her to continue. "We were just coming to speak to you about that. And you too, Mickey, if you've got a minute?" He nodded and approached them cautiously. "Mr Harkness has made me an offer which I'm intending to accept, if you think it's a good idea, Doc."

"Torchwood?" BrownDoctor asked, simply, left eyebrow raised.

"Absolutely," Jack beamed. "We're a bit er... thin on the ground..." His grin vanished as once again the reality struck him.

"Yes, I'm so sorry about that Jack..." BrownDoctor looked him in the eye sincerely. Jack simply nodded and continued.

"Anyway, I don't know about you but I'm not too big on UNIT personally... I think our Doctor Jones here would be far better suited to a... er... less _military_ role with Gwen, Ianto and me."

"Brilliant!" BrownDoctor beamed his approval. "Keep all of you in one place, will make it easier for me should I need you!"

"That's... great and everything," Mickey said. "But where do I come into this?"

"Well," Martha ventured. "I was telling Jack how you said you had nothing left in your world now..."

"Eh?" BrownDoctor looked worried.

"Ah, yeah. My Nan died Doc, nice and peaceful, and well... whatever happens with Rose and you guys, I know it won't involve me anymore..."

The Doctor nodded his understanding and allowed Martha to continue.

"Well, you said you were looking for a new challenge and..."

"And we want to invite you to join up too Beefcake!" Jack finished with a wink.

"Oh right! Will I be subject to innuendo and flirtation all day long?"

"Naturally!" Jack couldn't deny the perks of the job.

"Ah what the hell, I can cope! I'm in!"

"Wahey!" The Doctor cheered and clapped Mickey on the back whilst he hugged first Martha then Jack. "Keeping it in the family, brilliant!"

"Mickey?" Jackie's interest had been roused by this conversation and she looked at him sadly. He grimaced and went over to her.

"I'm gonna miss you," he smiled. "But it makes sense. I can do some good here. Now that dimension cannon stuff is finished with I'm out of a job really, in your universe."

Jackie forced a supportive smile and hugged him fiercely. "You do what you've gotta do kid. We've had a good time of it all these years... I'll miss you."

"Well that's that settled then," Donna suddenly entered the fray. "Bellissimo! Brilliant! Fantastic! HA!" She stepped in to gain her own Mickey hug, before congratulating Martha and finally embracing Jack again.

Moments later, Donna still with her arms around Jack's waist, Rose entered, followed dotingly by BlueDoctor.

"What have I missed now?" she challenged the room, hands on her hips.

"The Doctor will fill you in," Jack said, fixing the Time Lord with a stern glare. He disentangled Donna's arms from his torso. "I need to talk to my new team here!"

"New team?" BlueDoctor questioned Martha, looking perplexed.

"Come to our briefing, we'll explain all!" Mickey beamed at him and BlueDoctor shrugged, giving up his place at Rose's side to BrownDoctor and joining Torchwood recruits new and old.

"Sorry to disrupt all your happy gatherings," Sarah-Jane spoke out from obscurity. "But I have a son to get home to, if you don't mind!"

"Me too!" Jackie spoke up in support of the older woman.

"Ah. Right," BrownDoctor gestured for Rose to follow him to the TARDIS controls once more. "Jackie, I'll deal with you shortly. Sarah, homeward bound it is!" He flicked a few switches, spun a wheel and everyone was jolted about once more, clinging onto one another and railings for support. Moments later all was calm. "Say your goodbyes, Ms Smith!" BrownDoctor grinned.

Sarah-Jane traversed about the group, hugging everyone, receiving a kiss on each cheek from both Jack and Mickey and sharing "nice-to-meet-you"s all over the place. Then she nodded to BrownDoctor. "Ready when you are!"

The two of them stepped outside the TARDIS together for the most emotional farewell so far. The Doctor closed the door and faced her with a big open-armed shrug.

"So, here we are again!"

Sarah-Jane gave a quick chuckle then stepped forward to hug him once more. "You know Doctor; you act like such a lonely man all the time... yet look at you! All those people in there... You've a family of size to rival the Queen's!"

"Hmm," The Doctor nodded, reluctantly accepting the sentiment. "Well, thanks for everything Sarah-Jane. I can always rely on my Ms Smith!"

"We'll meet again Doctor, I'm sure of it! I'd better go. Luke. He's only fourteen you know!"

"Yeah... about that one..?"

"Oh it's a long story," Sarah-Jane chortled. "I'll explain another time!"

"Well give him my best!" The Doctor raised his voice as she started to trot away. "And to K9 – tell him what a _good dog_ he is!"

"Of course," Sarah-Jane called over her shoulder. "Until next time, young man... old friend!"

* * *

The Doctor smiled to himself as he watched her depart, as full of life and enthusiasm as she ever was in the old days. However, what she had said about family resonated deeply with him. Here she was proclaiming what great strength in numbers he had in terms of support, and yet, she was leaving him. Off to her own, real, family. She wasn't the first, and wouldn't be the last, and he didn't resent it, but it rankled with him nonetheless. He inhaled deeply and turned back to the TARDIS door. Suddenly he was hesitant about returning to his "family", in the knowledge that they all too would soon leave, just as Sarah-Jane had, and recommence their human lives.

Averse to facing the reality of the situation, he gripped the vertical edges of the police box and brought his forehead against the door. The force of the action surprised him, and even hurt a little, but it shocked those gathered inside even more as the bang echoed around the room.

Rose went to investigate, and as she opened the door The Doctor leapt away and leant nonchalantly against the adjacent tree.

"Oh, hey Rose!" he stuttered, struggling a little to maintain his dignity. "Erm... The new Torchwood lot ready to head off yet?"

"Nah, they've just had er... you... the other you, put the kettle on," Rose said, perplexed. "He's a lot more domesticated than you ever were!" She paused and The Doctor half-smiled. "Guess it might be a while longer. Erm... Are you alright? We heard a noise..."

"Oh, that..." The Doctor looked about him for inspiration. "Yeah, it was a nut."

"A nut?"

"Yep, this angry-looking squirrel threw it down from that tree there." He pointed upwards, trying to look convincing. Rose wasn't impressed by his alibi but let it rest. "So, how are you?" He asked, now more conventionally sincere.

"Yeah... ok, I suppose. Strange day..." Rose went to sit on a nearby bench. "Just feels like I've hardly spoken to you." The Doctor frowned slightly and went to sit beside her.

"I'm here now," he smiled, taking her hand. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well..." There were so many ways she could have answered that question, so many things she wanted to ask, to challenge him about. Essentially though, she already knew all the answers. She pulled her knees up in front of her on the bench and wrapped her arms around them. The Doctor was forced to let go of her hand to allow the rearrangement of limbs. "Nothing really. It's just as if we've spent no time together, after me coming all this way." Resting her head on his shoulder, and receiving an arm round her own in response, Rose coaxed a bit further. "Still, I guess there's plenty of time for that."

The Doctor bit his lip and made an indeterminable sound, squeezing her shoulders tighter. They sat serenely for a few minutes in silence, soaking up one another's company, but Rose could not let it go without saying something.

"Doctor..."

"I know."

"Do you though?" Rose wriggled away from him so she could engage eye contact. "You know nothing's changed for me since Bad Wolf Bay? That I think of you all day and you're in my dreams every night? That however much I love my family, it was you I wanted to stay with, that awful day you tried to send me away? That I need you in my life, and whatever you might tell yourself, that you need me too?" The Doctor's hearts were creaking and cracking more with each passing word, but his mind was set. "Do you know, Doctor? Do you understand how much I love you?"

Partly because he'd wanted to all day, and every day for the past four years, but more so because he couldn't bear another word of the devastating truth, The Doctor leant forward and kissed his Rose's downturned lips. She responded so enthusiastically that her hands were around his neck before he'd the chance to register. A kiss intended as a muffler flourished into the most impassioned encounter of the tenth Doctor's life, surpassing in moments the flurries of desire with Astrid and Reinette. This was how it felt to love, and to truly express love, through more than insipid smiles and embraces.

Even as The Doctor allowed his fingers to trace up and down Rose's back, let free his lips to her advances and surrendered to the unfamiliar squirming in his stomach, his resolve was strengthened. His Rose, his wonderfully, fantastically human Rose, deserved to experience this feeling forever. To receive the attentions of a man who could fully commit to her, let his life become hers, to his dying day be dedicated. As painful as it was to accept that he could not be that man, it also comforted him to know that she, at least, could have everything she wanted.

With a continued resolute hold on her body, The Doctor grudgingly broke the kiss. He delayed opening his eyes, afraid of what truths they may reveal, and instead placed his head on Rose's shoulder. She snuggled into his neck and held him tighter than ever, the pair equally reluctant to let go of one another; The Doctor knowing it would be the last time he'd feel her warmth. Eventually he spoke, hushed words into her ear, breaking the spell once and for all.

"Your tea will be cold."

Rose let out the briefest of laughs and slowly disentangled herself. She watched as The Doctor straightened his tie and patted at his hair futilely, her eyes full of adoration but lips unable to strain towards a smile. "Doctor...?" she began as he got shakily to his feet, making no attempt to tuck in his shirt or flatten his creased lapels. His attempts at hiding his anguish, however, were more successful as he smiled down at her genuinely and held out a hand.

"Let's go inside, hey?" The warmth of his tone was frustratingly irresistible, so she took his hand firmly and was led back into the stifling heat of the still-crowded TARDIS.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews so far ) Makes me smile so much to see people appreciating my stuff! Keep 'em coming D  
3 more chapters to come after this, will try and get them up in the next few days, they just need reshuffling and uploading etc. **

* * *

Six sets of eyes fell upon the pair as they stepped inside. Mickey smirked whilst Jack braced, and BlueDoctor's face fell as he promptly looked away. BrownDoctor felt a surge of guilt, an inexplicable pang, and dropped Rose's hand as though he'd received a shock.

"Rrrrrright then!" He sprang away from his companion and toward the controls. "Captain, are you ready to get home to your boyfriend?"

Jack looked taken aback, and then laughed. "How do you..."

"Please Jack, what _don't_ I know?!"

"Fine, fine! I'm ready when my team are!" He turned to Mickey and Martha who looked briefly at one another before nodding their assent. Jack grinned. "Well then Doc... Allons-y!"

Both Doctors gave trademark Cheshire cat grins and BrownDoctor obediently spun the controls.

"Hold on boys and girls," BlueDoctor grimaced, as he grasped the back of the chair by which he stood. Seconds later the TARDIS came to a shuddering stop and a sudden coolness filled the air. Jack and Martha glanced at each other and Mickey fixed Jackie with a sorrowful stare. They had not contemplated the actual leaving of the ship and now the moment had arrived, nobody wanted to be the first to move.

"I'll wait outside, shall I?" BrownDoctor said. "Give you all a chance to say goodbye and whatever else... Not sure I want to see you slobbering all over my friends Captain!"

"I'm pretty much out of this too," his Blue self proclaimed. "I would say nice to meet you all, but that doesn't entirely work what with you having already met me, and me feeling as though I've already met you." He cocked an eyebrow. "Not an easy conundrum to put into words is it??" They all laughed uneasily, but it broke the seal and Jack strode over to BlueDoctor.

"Any excuse for a grope Mister!" he declared and threw his arms around him. As his hands clapped the Blue-jacketed back, BrownDoctor snuck out of the door once more to await his own farewells. Presently Jack released BlueDoctor and turned to Jackie. "Lovely to meet you at last Mrs Tyler." He extended a hand cordially but Jackie ignored it.

"Come 'ere you big oaf!" she laughed and gave him a hug which he awkwardly returned. Meanwhile Mickey was exchanging banter with Donna and Martha was giggling with Rose.

"I was so jealous of you for a time... Every trip we took it was Rose this, Rose that..." she shook her head. "I'm just so glad you found him again..." Rose nodded, smiling.

"What about you? Who's waiting for Dr. Jones on the other side of all this?"

"Fiancé. Tom, he's brilliant. Helped me save the world from a certain Mr Saxon last year! Not that he knows that but..."

"Excellent, good for you! Well, look after yourself... and Mickey. Don't know what he'll do with himself without me and Mum around!"

"I'll do my best! Should be an interesting job, with Jack about as well..."

"Yep, I don't envy you that!"

The two young women laughed and shared a brief hug. Martha was last to speak. "Good luck, annoyingly perfect Miss Rose Tyler! I'm sure we'll meet again. And you look after_ him_ too... I think he needs someone more than he'll ever admit." Rose nodded and gave a fleeting smile. Within seconds Mickey had thrown his arms around her. Martha chuckled and moved off towards the door; a quick grasp of Jackie's arm on the way sufficing as a farewell.

Jack faced Donna, who smiled at him graciously.

"Pleasure to meet you, Captain Harkness," she gushed, the human side gaining prevalence over the Time Lord brain. "You'll know where to find me if you ever desire a rendezvous!" Jack laughed heartily and caught her in a bear hug.

"The pleasure's all mine Donna!" He leant close to her ear and lowered his voice. "The Doctor. He's going to need you more than ever later." Donna pulled back slightly and looked at him questioningly. Jack jerked his head towards Rose, and suddenly the pieces fell into place and Donna remembered.

"I'll look after him, Jack. I know how he thinks now, I can deal with it." She nodded at him reassuringly, and gave him a final squeeze before backing off. "Martha!" she squealed in realisation, and trotted over to the doorway to engage in another separation. "We'll stay in touch," she swore. "And keep your hands off Captain Jack there; I've got him earmarked for when I visit!" They both laughed, before Martha whispered the truth about Ianto into her ear. "Bugger it! Always the good-looking ones!! Anyway, until next time." The women embraced for the final time, and Martha slid outside to wait with The Doctor.

"Rose?" Jack called over his old friend for the hardest exchange yet. "Can we do this on the quiet?" Rose nodded as she approached him and they sidled off to the nearest side room.

As soon as they were out of the way of prying eyes, Jack threw his arms round her and held on for dear life.

"Jack?" Rose was worried by the ferocity of his embrace. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered into the top of her head. "I've just missed you is all." He adopted her stance from the kitchen exchange. "I'm sorry if I was harsh earlier... About The Doctors. I just worry 

about you all too much. So much I've seen over the years, since you brought me back. All those deaths, all those people..." His voice broke slightly.

"Ah yeah. The Doctor... the new Doctor... he filled me in on what happened to you after the space station. I'm sorry for putting you through it all..."

"You are kidding? I get to live fast and loose, what could be better?!"

Rose saw through his pretence, and smiled, but thankfully didn't see as far as his true sorrow at their parting.

"You look after my Mickey, you hear? Don't go getting him killed, just because you're living so "fast and loose" will you?"

"Of course ma'am, whatever you say Miss Tyler! Wouldn't dream of upsetting a pretty blonde!"

"Alright, alright..."

"And Rose..." Jack now had one hand on the door handle to return to the console room. "Whatever happens, he loves you, and I love you... and you have to do what you have to do." The steely look in his eye showed he meant business, and though Rose was unnerved by this level of sincerity she nodded to reassure him. "Until we meet again," he added, giving her another long squeeze as he bit back the tears that brewed at the reality that, more than likely, they never would. The thought of the final goodbye, coupled with the remembrance of The Doctor's sacrifice, threatened to break his composure and he forced a dazzling grin.

Rose stood on her toes to kiss him softly.

"Until next time, Captain Jack Harkness. Once again, the privilege has been all mine. With or without barrage balloons and champagne!"

"Haha, we'll save that for next time!" Jack smiled, lying through his teeth to protect her from pain whilst he still could. They stepped out of the small room together and Jackie raised her eyebrows. "Entirely innocent Ma'am!" Jack grinned at her toothily and kissed Rose's forehead as he released hold of her for the last time.

Mickey came to his side and the pair of them walked backwards to the exterior door.

"Good luck to you all, fair ladies," Jack chuckled. Then he nudged Mickey and in unison they saluted their friends, with one final show of respect and love. And then they were gone, joining Martha and BrownDoctor in the blinding sunshine of Cardiff Bay.

The three Woodies lined up facing The Doctor, who in turn was facing the sun so that his eyes could be excused any dampness.

"Mickey the Idiot, Captain Harkness, Doctor Jones," he nodded to each of them in turn. "Once again, it has been an honour, and once again, we find we're parting ways."

"But you can always get hold of us on that old phone," Martha countered.

"Or call by... The Hub?" Mickey looked to Jack to check the name, who nodded. "Any time!" he finished.

"Don't be afraid to ask for help. With aliens or..." Jack fixed The Doctor with a knowing stare as both men considered the next stage of the journey. "Or anything." The Doctor grimaced, but didn't argue.

"We'll be seeing each other again, I'm sure of it," he sighed, feigning disappointment. "Oh but Martha, you get rid of that Oster Hagen thingy, eh? Save the world one more time for me?"

"Consider it done," Martha nodded sincerely.

"And Jack... c'mere!" Jack stepped forward innocently, wary of The Doctor's next move. He was right to be too, as The Doctor grabbed his wrist and brought the Sonic Screwdriver to the Teleporter attached there.

"Aww Doc, come on!"

"I've told you before; I'm not having you hopping about the universe! I owe that to all the beings out there!"

"And Ianto," Mickey added with a smirk.

"Precisely!" The Doctor released Jack's wrist and was caught up in a stronghold of a hug instead. "Oh alright then, you big girl!" He hooked his arms round Jack's back and patted his shoulder. Once released, he turned to Martha and received the same treatment, before sharing a boys-own handshake with Mickey.

"Right team, let's be off!" Jack put a hand on a shoulder of each of his new recruits. "Doctor." He nodded and repeated the earnest gaze that The Doctor knew was a warning about Rose. The Doctor smiled glumly to acknowledge the gesture and instantly the three people opposite him stood to attention and gave full-on military salutes.

Chuckling slightly, he awkwardly returned the gesture with just two fingers and an embarrassed bow of the head. Suitably satisfied, Jack turned on his heel, followed by his smiling comrades. As they slowly walked away, he put an arm round each of them. The Doctor smiled fondly after them. Some things would never change. "Boyfriend" or nay, Captain Jack Harkness was a chancer. As if to qualify the thought, his hands simultaneously lowered to grasp at cheeks of the backsides to his left and right. The Doctor laughed out loud as both Martha and Mickey leapt away, then presently slunk back to Jack, who in turn settled his arms round their waists in compromise.

Once again, The Doctor found he was disinclined to go back inside, knowing the next step was going to be unpleasant. He looked up into the setting sun, squinting at first, then finally closing his eyes in defeat. Ultimately, delaying it was futile. He sighed, then growled, and then finally spun round to board his ship, ready for a journey that would be difficult not only for the TARDIS, but even more so for its captain...


	6. Chapter 6

The remaining faces on board were set to unsure grimaces. BlueDoctor and Donna looked across at one another, Jackie smiled at BrownDoctor – correctly anticipating that she was to return home – and Rose, fully anxious, couldn't bear even to face him. She fiddled with a knob on the console instead, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot.

"It's time for one last trip," BrownDoctor chirruped as he jogged over to the console, patting Jackie's arm on the way. Donna winced, looking at first BlueDoctor and then Rose. "Dalig Ulv Stranden," he added, coming to a standstill between Donna and Rose. BlueDoctor looked at him with alarm. He was really going to do it; it was clear by his barely-masked melancholy that it wasn't just Jackie returning to the parallel world. "Better known aaaaaaaas..." he continued whilst manipulating the controls again.

"Bad Wolf Bay..." Rose uttered, battling the swooping sensation of dread in her abdomen.

Then nobody said a word as the TARDIS made her way uncomfortably through the gaps in dimensions, settling finally with an unimpressed groan. Moments passed in silence, before Jackie sighed and made for the door. Unable not to follow, BlueDoctor and Rose trailed after and the three stepped out onto the deserted beach.

"Fat lot of good this is! Back of beyond, bloody _Norway!" _Though she'd known the destination, Jackie was not impressed by their arrival. "I'm gonna have to phone your father again, he's on the nursery run. He'll kick up a fuss about coming all the way out here you know, and what do we do in the meantime?!"

BlueDoctor cleared his throat to cease the rant.

"Did I tell you about my baby boy?" Jackie turned her attentions to him instead. "Pregnant last time we were out here you remember?"

"Of course yeah, lovely!" BlueDoctor really did enjoy this domesticity rather more than his counterpart, who was only now exiting the TARDIS with Donna, whilst Rose dawdled around between the two pairs. "Brilliant! What you call him?"

"Doctor," Jackie responded, completely deadpan. BrownDoctor, Rose and Donna all stifled giggles, despite the situation, as they watched a mist of concern and amusement cross over BlueDoctor. He remained straight-faced though.

"Really?" He tried to hide quite how amused and flattered he was – in case it was true; you couldn't underestimate Jackie Tyler - and instead managed a tone of interest, tinged with doubt.

"No, you plum!" Jackie couldn't help but laugh, and Donna smirked in the background. "He's called Tony."

BlueDoctor opened his mouth ready to question further but was interrupted by Rose's realisation and annoyance.

"Hold on," she faced BrownDoctor, glaring. "What dimension are we in? This is the parallel universe isn't it?!"

"No place like home," BrownDoctor intoned. He had been preparing for this moment for hours now and had once more got his emotions under control.

"But it's not my home! My home is with you! Sorry Mum."

Jackie shrugged off her hurt and looked up at BlueDoctor who scowled into the low sun and looked back to his creators, as Donna began to explain how the gaps were closing up again.

"See, I really get that stuff now!" she finished. Both Doctors smiled knowingly and affectionately, but Donna wasn't to maintain the spotlight for long.

"Doctor, I'm not going to leave you now, I came all this way!" Rose protested fiercely, her eyes boring into BrownDoctor and ignoring the figures behind her.

"You've got to," BrownDoctor approached her slowly. "We may have saved the universe, but we've also created one massive side effect."

"Me," BlueDoctor voiced his comprehension of what BrownDoctor was doing.

"For one, he shouldn't even exist. For another, he destroyed the Daleks, he committed genocide. There's no place for him here, he's too dangerous."

"You made me, might I remind you!" BlueDoctor may have been accepting of his fate, but he wasn't going to go without a fight.

"Exactly. And I'm sorry about that, again, truly. But you were born in battle, out of blood and anger and revenge..." His face softened and his voice lowered as he turned to Rose again. "Remind you of someone?"

Rose looked away, fully understanding his point but struggling regardless to accept it.

"That's me," BrownDoctor continued. "When we first met... and you helped me. You made me a better man. You can do the same for him."

"But he's not you, what if I don't want to!"

"He needs you. That's very me." BrownDoctor fought the violent beating in his chest and blood pounding in his ears. Rose remained silent, tears beginning to drip down her cheeks. BrownDoctor softened even more and stooped a bit to her level. "You wouldn't deny me that?"

"It's not just that though, is it?" Donna spoke up, weighing into the situation with her fully-fledged humanity, whilst using the Time Lord consciousness to know the truth. "Don't you see what he's doing for you? You, tell her! Go on!" She coaxed BlueDoctor and Rose hesitantly turned to him.

He took a deep breath. "Remember what we talked about before?" He took a step closer to Rose and smiled his most encouraging smile. "I am, basically, him. Same thoughts, same memories... same everything." Rose nodded slowly. Behind her back BrownDoctor clenched his fists and gulped down the lump in his throat. Donna put a hand on his back reassuringly. "But there's something I didn't tell you. I've only got one heart. Part human."

"The ageing part," Donna piped up, helpfully. Rose didn't turn around, her eyes burned into BlueDoctor's chest, trying to picture the single human heart.

"Precisely. I'll grow old and die just like you... No regeneration, not even any half-regenerations like himself over there! Just one life, Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you. If you want."

"You'll grow old at the same time as me?" she questioned, still unsure of this idea. Her voice quaked with each word.

"Together."

"The one adventure I can never have," BrownDoctor reminded. Voicing that sentiment did nothing for the spasms of agony inside of him, but he felt sure it would help Rose agree to this. Deep down he knew she wanted domestication, a mortgage, kids; a steady life. Deep down he knew that, however much he loved her, he didn't want to deprive her of it either.

He watched on, scowling slightly, as Rose reached out to feel BlueDoctor's heart. The slow, dull heartbeat of a half-man. Things were looking good though, and he afforded himself a wry smile. The TARDIS vworped a reminder that there were mere minutes remaining before the gaps would close off again and everyone turned to look at the source of the sound.

"Got to go," BrownDoctor said, first looking at Donna and then to Rose. "This reality's sealing itself off again. Forever." He turned to board the TARDIS once more and Donna slowly followed suit.

"Wait," Rose called out, jogging after him. "It's still not right cos... The Doctor... he's still you!"

"I'm him," BlueDoctor contributed.

"And I'm him," reaffirmed BrownDoctor.

"Alright," Rose weighed up the situation. "How about this? Come here, both of you." The two men faced one another, either side of her. Despite the circumstances she couldn't help but be a bit excited by the sight. "Answer me this..." She returned to the task in hand. "Last time, on this beach... on the _worst day of my life – _what was the last thing you said to me?" There was a pause. She looked to BrownDoctor, the true Doctor, to lead the way. "Go on, say it!"

He swallowed hard and furrowed his brow. A few seconds later, Rose still staring intently at him, he ventured to speak. "I said... Rose Tyler..." His face relaxed but he stopped, attempting to look decisive.

"Yeah... and? Where was that sentence going?"

BrownDoctor clamped his tongue between his back teeth and thought for a moment. To say it would ruin everything he'd set up this far... Not only would it ruin it for Rose, as she would be sure not to leave him then, but also for him. He knew that by voicing the words, he'd have to accept them himself, and to act on them. Such sentiment couldn't be shared mildly.

"Does it really need to be said?" he finally asked. This way there was no outright denial, which would harm her irrevocably, but likewise no confession that would change both their lives forever. Rose gazed at him, half-mystified and half-disappointed. She longed to rebuke him, to force him to admit it, but somehow... just couldn't. "We'll always have the bench," BrownDoctor whispered, causing Rose more pain than he could have imagined. It was essentially signing off their relationship, and she longed even more to argue with him. Ultimately though, she couldn't do it.

"New Doctor? How was that sentence going to end?" she said instead, facing the blue-suited man to her left. BlueDoctor too was unsure what to do now. He knew what he felt, and he knew what she wanted to hear. Yet the prospect of speaking it in front of his other self was too demoralizing. It would have broken him, to hear another man – least of all a total copy of himself – declare love for Rose... but if he didn't say it, she'd never stay with him, and the plan and turmoil would have been a waste. In a millisecond he decided.

He reached out a hand to cup her elbow and slowly leant in to her ear. BrownDoctor watched, no longer able to maintain the look of stoicism. His Adam's-apple trembled, his lips found themselves pursed and his eyebrows sunk down over dampened eyes. He silently gulped back the torment and looked on.

"I love you," BlueDoctor whispered to Rose. "Forever," he added, after a moment of still between the two of them. Slowly drawing back from her, he looked into her eyes. In turn she gazed up at him, a look of confusion and anguish still cast across her features. BrownDoctor held his breath, Donna and Jackie watched, on tenterhooks.

Suddenly Rose's face changed. She appeared set now. As everyone took a sharp intake of breath, having waited so long, she pounced. Grabbing the blue lapels of the new Doctor's jacket, she pulled him towards her to administer an accepting kiss. BrownDoctor turned away, his steely face cracking, as BlueDoctor returned the passion he was met with, wrapping his arms round Rose and almost lifting her off the floor. As the kiss flourished, BrownDoctor walked into the TARDIS, followed by Donna who looked back sorrowfully at the new couple.

It was only the sound of the door closing that caused Rose to notice anyone had moved; indeed that anyone existed outside of the man in her arms. But now that she did notice, she raced towards where the TARDIS was already dematerialising. Watching it disappear, she was flooded with emotion. There were so many contrasting feelings that she didn't know what she was thinking. Whilst the love of her life had just left her, again, he was also still stood on the sand with her. As if reading this thought, BlueDoctor walked up behind her and took her hand. She responded relatively coldly, not cuddling into him as she would have liked. The conflict going on in her heart was too overpowering. She turned instead to face the man attached to the hand in hers. He looked into her eyes, full of understanding. Neither of them felt entirely comfortable with this arrangement; neither wanted BrownDoctor to leave and they both knew their new life was not going to be as straight-forward as their embrace.

"Love is enough," BlueDoctor said finally, quietly, as they both gazed straight ahead to where the TARDIS had stood. Rose didn't speak, but her grip tightened round his fingers. For now, it was the best BlueDoctor could do; hoping his words, and his love, truly would be enough to combat the fissures of guilt they both felt. Suddenly he felt worse for the knowledge that BrownDoctor had two hearts. If that meant twice the heartache... it just didn't bear thinking about.


	7. Chapter 7

"Utilitarianism," Donna announced once the TARDIS was moving again. "Jeremy Bentham, John Stuart Mill, The Doctor... Acting for 'the greatest happiness of the greatest number'. The bigger picture, the greater good. I understand it all now, Doctor. Whatever pain it causes, to you in particular, you have the obligation... the inclination towards utilitarianism. I see it now."

The Doctor did not move from his moping position against one of the coral pillars set back from the console. His face was set to a frown already, but his eyes saddened more by the second as Donna spoke.

"And why do you see that now?" he asked, darkly.

"I see everything! All that was, all that could be... Biggest brain in the universe! Well, present company excepted... I was thinking we could go to Thelspoon next. The planet Thelspoon, what a great name! Apparently they have mountains that sway in the breeze... MOUNTAINS that move!"

"And how do you know that?" The Doctor was terrified for Donna's fate, now that all other horrid goodbyes were out of the way.

"Cos it's in your head! And if it's in your head, it's in my head!"

"How does that feel?"

"Brilliant, fantastic, Molto bene!" Donna exclaimed as she danced over to the other side of the console to press some buttons. "Great big universe crammed inside my head! It's great! How do you get anything done? Oh, you don't! You know, you could fix that chameleon circuit if you just tried hotbinding the fragment links and superseding the binary... binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary..." She shook quickly, head to toe, breaking the loop, and smiled. "I'm fine!"

"Donna..." The Doctor now looked crushed, witnessing the short-circuiting of Donna's oh-so-human brain. He walked over to her, the emptiness within him ever growing as he slowly came to terms with what happened next.

"What I don't understand though, Doctor, is how you can do it? I understand the premise, the ideology, but to actually carry out these plans that shatter you so much... I couldn't do it."

"That's because you're human. Or half-human, whatever! The human brain is just too tiny and limited to comprehend the vagaries of time and space and universal balance!"

"Here we go again, insulting species! I know you're really upset when you start picking on humans. Bully-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...e-e-e-e-e-e!"

"Donna..."

"It's nothing, I'm ok!" She turned away from him, leaning on the TARDIS console and gazing distantly at the monitor before her.

"Donna, listen to me. You know what's happening now?" Donna nodded shakily. The Doctor leant in closer to her. "This has never happened before. A Time Lord-human metacrysis. And you know why..."

"Because... it _can't_," Donna conceded slowly, as she turned her eyes to meet his once more. Tears began to form in hers, and The Doctor had to fight hard not to follow suit.

"Donna, you know what I'm going to have to do..." whispered The Doctor, as reluctant as she to do what he was thinking.

"No," Donna protested. "Doctor, please." She pulled away from him. "I'm not going home, please no!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." The Doctor began, following her across the room.

"But there's got to be another way!" Donna was desperate. "Oh, I know! What about that Chameleon Arch thing? Martha told me about it!"

"Donna. Engage that brain of mine. The Arch only works on Time Lords; it'd change half of you, but then you'd just be even more scrambled. Resulting in-"

"My death," Donna interrupted, accepting the blow with utmost nonchalance. "Ok, so that's out... can't you just wipe the Time Lord part?!"

"I wish I could but..."

"Well what then Doctor?! You bloody lump, surely there's something you can do!" In her frustration as she span away, Donna struck out and sent a discarded glass flying. The Doctor caught up with her and gripped her arms.

"Yes, there is," he started, eyes boring into hers, almost matching them in wetness. "I can clear your memory of all of this, of me, and take you home."

"I'd rather die!" Donna snapped, looking away from his devastated brow.

"**Donna**!" The Doctor was astonished and slightly disgusted. He shook her firmly, forcing her to look him in the eye. "Donna Noble, don't you _dare_ say that! Don't you even think it! You've got so much to live for, so much to do out there! I just wish you could see... You're special, you're brilliant, and you can do whatever you want!"

"Yeah," Donna said softly. "But I won't will I? I'll go back to being nobody, to not caring! It'll be like I never met you, nothing changed. It's unbearable to even think..." She trailed off as tears streamed down her face. The pain she felt scorched The Doctor equally. It was true, much as he hated to admit it. She'd never have realised her brilliance if not for him. It even took him all this time to make her see. Without any of the memories or the thoughts, she'd go back to being unconfident, uninspired, and disbelieving.

"There might be something I can do," he muttered. Donna stared up at him, her eyes gleaming with hope. "You'll still have to go back..." Her face dropped once more. "I'm sorry, but the memory or knowledge of any of this would blow your mind. Literally! And that can be messy... I remember this one time, back when I was such a young thing..."

"Doctor!"

"Right. Sorry. You see, I can leave you with something. It'll be hard to tune and a lot will rely on you but... I can give you a sort of residual memory..."

"Of you?"

"Oh no, far too dangerous! I'll just... I can leave you with... a desire..."

"You what? This better not be dodgy!!"

"Now that's more like my Donna! No, I can make sure that when a trigger is given, you realise a new urge to find a greater potential." He noted her scepticism. "Give me a chance! I can give you the inspiration to go out and seek bigger and better things. No offence Donna, but you're wasted as a typist! Look, you won't know where it's come from, but you'll know. You'll know you want more, and you know what? You'll go and get it."

Donna looked on at him, still unsure. However, her breathing was becoming quicker and shallower. They both knew time was at a premium.

"Donna, it makes sense. Otherwise it's all or nothing. And I'm not going to let you die. You're better than that."

Donna slowly nodded.

"Make it quick," she stammered. The Doctor smiled darkly. "Wait, Doctor. Before I ... _go_... I just want to say thank you. For giving me all this, even if I don't know about it come morning."

"No... Thank you. You saved the universe, and I think you taught me more than I you." They shared an ironic chuckle before The Doctor pulled her into an embrace. Donna cried freely now. "Oh Donna... We had the best of times, we really did." She nodded into his shoulder. "You were brilliant," he went on. "I'm so sorry." He parted from her and raised his hands to her temples.

"Doctor?" she said finally, halting the final push momentarily. "Look after yourself, yeah? For me?"

He gave his first real smile since Cardiff. "For the DoctorDonna," he said, as his fingers met with the sides of her head, and the great minds melded.

- - -

"So he's just left them there?!" Martha exclaimed in disbelief as Jack explained to his new comrades about The Doctor's latest sacrifice. Jack nodded grimly, eyes set ahead of him on the route to The Hub.

Mickey let out a low whistle. "Rose won't have taken kindly to that!"

"She'll get used to it easy enough," Jack countered, shocking himself with his flippancy.

"And what about The Doctor?!" Martha protested. "The real one!" Silence reigned for a time whilst they all mulled it over with varying levels of pain. "We have to go back!"

"What?" Mickey said, simply.

"No," Jack said, even more simply.

"What, but he'll need us! He's going to be shattered, Jack!"

"That's possible, yeah," Jack said with difficulty. "But he has Donna. We'd only get in the way. Leave it to her, she knows him enough now to sort it out. We discussed. He knows where we are when he does need us... for now, there's Donna."


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor stood in Donna's bedroom, just inside the door, and watched her sleep on top of the covers of her bed. His dear Donna Noble could no longer share in his exploits and misadventures. He grimaced silently as he reviewed the situation; when she awoke she'd not have a clue who he was, she'd have forgotten her part in saving the universe... she wouldn't know even that it had needed saving. It was devastating that he had caused this plummet in her from the top of the world to the sleeping ignorance of a child. Much as he always tried to suppress his emotions he had to contemplate that he would need recovery time. There was no way of viewing today other than as a bad one – to be shown up as one who left devastation and destruction in his path, to lose Rose all over again, and now to be leaving behind his best friend, who would be oblivious of his existence. It was indescribably painful.

As he rubbed his face with both hands, long fingers covering his eyes, he heard Donna stirring. With a fleeting wide-eyed look at her stretching, he turned and made to exit. But it was too late.

"Oi!" a voice carried over from the bed. The Doctor turned and smiled casually, hands deep in his pockets. "Don't you smile at me, what the bloody hell are you doing in my room? You better not be one of them perverts!" Donna was on her feet now, and by her expression he knew he needed an explanation fast before there was trouble.

"Ah! You must be Donna?" he asked, with all the conviction of a polite stranger. "So sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. I'm here talking to your Wilf - er... your granddad... y'know about stargazing and all that. I'm quite a fanatic myself. It's John Smith by the way." He proffered a hand, hopefully. Donna accepted with a weak handshake. The threat had left her features now, replaced with an excruciating indifference.

"Yeah, well hope you're not encouraging him too much," Donna mumbled, as she moved to pick up her mobile. "Load of nonsense all that celestial crap and aliens and so on. As _if_ there are aliens out there!"

"Astronomy," The Doctor corrected, wounded by the change in her; the return to disbelief. "Celestial is heaven, angels and stuff."

"Whatever," she said, not looking up from her phone. "It's all still bollocks to me. No offence. The bathroom's that way." She pointed down the corridor and passed him to go downstairs.

After she'd gone, The Doctor released a slow, deep sigh. Poor Donna, there was such a change in her. He understood now better than ever why she was so reluctant to return to this life. Still, he had his part yet to play; he needed to continue his chat with Wilf. Stalling for a few minutes so as to continue the illusion of using the bathroom, he looked sadly around Donna's room, whilst sub-consciously checking for anything that might remind her of him. It seemed harmless enough, she should be safe.

When he reached the lounge, Donna was raving about all the texts she'd received, completely clueless about what had been happening to the world. She hardly looked at him as he entered, striking another blow to his crushed esteem, whilst Sylvia glared at him in warning.

"Wilf," The Doctor said, smiling despite himself. "I suppose I'd better be off. Don't want to outstay my welcome."

"If you think it's best D... er... John," Wilf replied, getting slowly to his feet. "I'll see you out."

"Nice to meet you Sylvia," The Doctor said politely, continuing to smile through the pain of the parting. "Donna." Mother and daughter gave matching uninterested grunts and The Doctor's smile abandoned him. "G'bye then," he said, no longer hiding his misery.

Wilf walked him to the door and stood leaning on the frame while The Doctor commented on the rain.

"Doctor?" he said finally, after letting the Time Lord say his piece. "She will be ok, won't she?"

"She'll be fine Wilfred, just as long as she never remembers me."

"She won't be the same anymore."

"No. She'll be like she never met me. Back to normal... but... well Wilf, I just want you to know... and tell Sylvia too – I know she distrusts me and wouldn't listen... but from you she will. I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her." He paused and looked Wilf directly in the eye. "That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble... A thousand, million light-years away. They will never forget her..." The sad irony of it hit him, "while she can never remember. And for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe."

Wilf nodded, tears gleaming in his eyes. "But now she's got nothing," he said sadly.

"Oh," The Doctor remembered. "About that..." He took a deep breath and looked up the sky, squinting into the heavy rain. "Before... before I wiped Donna's memory of everything, I made her a promise. And now I need you to help me fulfil it. I sort of arranged it so that... so that with a certain trigger, something in Donna will change."

"How do you mean, "change"?"

"I need you... somewhere down the line, not just yet in case it causes associated memories to crop up and undo everything... sometime in the future, in a few weeks maybe... I need you to say "banana daiquiris" and "Agatha Christie" to her... preferably in the same sentence but definitely within a minute of each other. I know it sounds odd, but it has to be inconspicuous. She won't understand... but she'll see the benefits. You both will. Before long, Donna Noble will believe in herself again. She'll have a little bit more motivation in her, you'll see it gradually... hopefully within a year she'll be out there making a difference. Because we both know she's capable of it Wilf, we've both seen a..."

"A better Donna?" Wilf asked, shakily, trying to take it all in.

"If you want to put it like that. I just see it as the real Donna; a Donna who reaches her potential, who gives a damn... who starts to think about "celestial" matters or things outside of Chiswick. Do it for me Wilf... no, do it for her."

"I will, I will Doctor. Agatha Christie, banana daiquiris. I'll remember."

"Thank you," The Doctor said from the hearts. "It's no more than what she deserves." He turned to leave then, looking once more to the TARDIS.

"Wait, Doctor?"

The Doctor turned back, water trickling down his face from his sodden hair, and looked at Wilf once more through narrowed eyes.

"What about you now son? Who have you got left? I mean... all those people, those friends of yours..."

"They've all got someone else," The Doctor said with as much cheeriness as he could muster. "Still, that's fine. I'm fine!" Even as he smiled through the lie, he felt the emptiness in the pit of his stomach. Back to the start he'd go.

"I'll look out for you, Doctor." Wilf said. "I won't tell Donna!" he added, upon seeing The Doctor's look of alarm. "But at night, when I look up at the stars... I'll remember you. On her behalf."

"Thank you," The Doctor smiled, sincerely. With a final nod, he left Wilf there, left Donna behind, and returned to the TARDIS. As he walked around the abandoned console he braced against the pain.

...

Alone again, naturally.

* * *

**Well there we go. That's all folks! (For now anyway - who can say what the Who-less months ahead will drag out of my consciousness!) **

**Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for the words of support throughout. **

**It ain't exactly a literary classic, but it's my take, and I thank you for reading it! **


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